Dancing Queen

I was part of an incredible event this past weekend, where I had the honor of being a bridesmaid for one of my oldest friends. The wedding was a beautiful celebration of hope, of love, of overcoming adversity, and with all eyes focused on the future life and family the newlyweds will create together. There’s the promise to have and to hold through the good and the bad and to embrace both experiences as there are lessons in both.

I think, too, that it’s a promise and an exercise that carries beyond marriage vows. Seeing the joy in the everyday, loving with wild abandon, fully experiencing life without worrying about judgement, and the beautiful lessons in challenges, can carry you through all that life has to offer.

It’s a message I chose to embody after news we received on Friday.

I had a head CT scan on Thursday because I’ve been experiencing persistent headaches. When the on-call doctor called me the next day, I wasn’t expecting the vague but concerning answer. While there’s no evidence of prominent metastatic disease, there is an “area of concern” in the center of my brain where there is a thickening of tissue. Because of a scan I had back in October, they have a baseline in which to compare my most recent scan to, where this area of concern did not exist. In fact, they said that my brain was unremarkable 🤨

I am now the lucky recipient of another MRI, scheduled for this Thursday.

I told a dear friend yesterday that this journey is teaching me lots of virtues, one being patience. Patience in waiting for an answer, in dealing with the insurance company, in not jumping to the worst possible conclusion. Another is faith. Faith in that I was put on this Earth to accomplish more than the meager impact I’ve had thus far, in that I WILL see my girls graduate or get married or become mothers themselves, in that this is NOT how my story is supposed to end…

At the reception, I danced until my legs were begging for a break. I danced until I was so hot I whipped my wig off without a care in the world of who might judge me or be shocked.

I danced because I COULD.

My lovely village, I hope you will choose to do the same.

Love and light, always 💜

she

Love

Today is our anniversary. 7 years. 7 beautiful, tragic, amazing, hard, love and life filled years together. We have been through moves, having a preemie, buying a house, parenting decisions, grief, joy, disagreements, birthdays, career changes, personal growth, and all of the other things that come with building a life together.

And here we are, in our biggest challenge yet.

You’ve held my trembling hand in your steady one. You’ve wiped my tears away, your gaze never wavering. You see my beauty when I’m at my worst. You’ve laughed at really inappropriate jokes with me, adding levity to a time weighed down by unspoken fears and sometimes unrelenting sickness.

Through it all, there has been one thing that has been easy.

Loving you.

God has blessed me so, with you.

y